journaling

 Good morning to my favorite recovery community. I am so excited to be able to be with you this morning an especially to speak about one of the tools that has helped me so much since the beginning of my recovery journey. in addition to the parent support group journaling has been one of the tools that i have found to be instrumental in my processing of emotions over this past year.

my daughter arrived at turnbridge march 31 of 2024 on easter sunday. that monday i attended my first parent support group and my life would never be the same. the parent support group, the format, the shares, the vulnerability sparked the beginning of my recovery journey, one that i was not aware i needed or how much it would impact my life, my family, and my daughters recovery. that time in my life was one of the most painful, emotional, gut wrenching and the darkest period i had ever experienced. the parent support group became like my oxygen, it dissipated my feelings of loneliness and isolation. it validated my feelings it gave me a space to share what i was processing. it taught me about gratitude (which has truly shifted my mindset on every aspect of my life) i attended every group i could, i listened to every podcast that i could learn from, i spoke with other parents, i attended workshops, read books and began to meditate and journal. the emotions i was feeling and the history of my life that i had begun to unravel overwhelmed me and i needed a space to process it. i had started a blog as a challenge back when i was working as a school nurse to work on my writing and i remembered how once i began to write, the words i put to paper or computer helped me to understand what i was feeling and experiencing. i am actually glad that i began writing when our recovery began because it gave me a quiet metric for me to see that despite the days i felt that there was zero progress i in fact had made more progress than i gave myself credit for. one of my many self deprecating tactics that i am working on is actually giving myself the credit i deserve in areas of my life. looking back on various entries i can immediately recall how i was feeling at that time and can compare it to today, it helps me to realize the actual phases we use in recovery, one day at a time, no future tripping, feelings fully felt will pass.......

when my emotions felt like i could not even identify the root of the chaos writing it out helped me to get to the bottom of what i was feeling and why i was feeling that way. my journaling was a space i could process and break down the pieces of what was overwhelming me at that moment. the emotions were about that moment right now, which included so many facets (worrying about my daughter, my sons, my marriage, my own mental health,m my family of origin, my traumas, my visceral reactions and on and on) which i had to break it down for myself. it then became a way for me to share with other parents and hopefully provide them with another form of validation for their feelings, a place that said "me too". the parent support group has been life changing for me, i NEED recovery parents in my life because having a child who has struggled in the ways my daughter has and as a parent navigating that is like no other. all the emotions it entails, the grief and sadness ( i am not alone because of my parent group), the guilt and shame for what i could have done better or should have know better ( i dont shoulda myself because of group), the the navigating the bumps (because life is one step forward 2 steps back and my parent group knows that) the celebration of the glimmers (the parents of a typical child would never understand why i am celebrating that but parents in my group know...they just know)

the interesting part is when i was asked "how" i journal, "why" i journal and "what" my process is I had to really pause (there's that power of the pause) and think about it because i do have a process. i know when my emotions are overwhelming me and i can't identify why, its time to sit and write. its almost like a meditation where i have to go to quiet place, block out the outside noise. i put myself in a quiet place, put on my most relaxing music in my earbuds and just begin to write. i dont worry about complete sentences at first, i don't even worry about the flow or if it makes sense i just need to get the thoughts out. i then go back and re-read what i wrote and think does it make sense? could someone else reading this understand what i am trying to convey? how can i explain this in a deeper way so that an outsider could read it and fell it. i want the words to express my feelings in a way that another could connect with the description and it doing that it helps me to truly understand my own emotions i am trying to process.  even as i am rereading it i am beginning to elaborate on a topic or thought or feeling and i go into depth to truly process what it is and where its coming from.  there is no time of day that it occurs its when i feel i have so much to say but could not accurately express it so i have to unravel it. it has become a very cathartic process for me and it also has given me to opportunity to truly identify the feelings i tend to push by or ignore but writing them down helps me to release those emotions.

before i share an excerpt form my blog i wanted to say that this parent support group has been the healing for my soul, brain and heart and my journaling gives me a place to write it all down so i can share my deepest feelings with people who understand me. i challenge you to try it, grab and pen and paper, or the notes portion of your phone or even send yourself an email, you would be surprised once you get started how much you actually have to say. 💝