What is all of this really about anyway?

 I honestly have never thought more frequently about the meaning of life than I have this past year.  2020 has brought some serious clarity and also made me wonder so very deeply about the real meaning of life. Why am I truly here? What is the purpose of all of it?  Is that what happens when you hit your forties and you are halfway through your life and wonder what is it all about anyway? Is that what happens when a pandemic occurs? It that what happens when you watch your parents grow old? Is that what happens when you experience loss? Is that what happens when you experience deep love? Is that what happens when you witness your children becoming young adults?  I think its a combination of all of those experiences and then some.  I know I frequently refer to my job as a nurse and what it has taught me but I am so grateful for what it opens my eyes to.  As I drive home after my per-diem shifts and have connected with complete strangers and experience their grief and loss and pain I begin to wonder what are we here for anyway and what is all of it for? 

I have decided on a few things.  I know that when I am no longer here in this life as we know it there are things I want to remembered for.  I am pretty certain I will never become president or be an actress or famous person. As a mainstream person what is the imprint I want to leave? 

The legacy I want to leave include these words;

kind

loving

generous

helpful

open minded

selfless

honest

forgiving

apologetic

determined

humble

Kind and that the people who are around me feel it.  That they know that I care and wish them well, particularly people who are suffering.

Loving and that anyone I spend time with feels my warmth and positive energy.

Generous and that I always give more than I take.  That I help those in need.

Helpful and that if someone needs me I will be there.

Open-minded so that when people confide in me or tell me their deepest secrets that they felt understood and never judged.

Selfless in that I would share anything I have and give to those before myself.

Honest and that anyone who wanted to hear the truth know that I speak it.

Forgiving and that if someone treated me badly I would accept their apology and move on. 

Apologetic and that if I were wrong I would own my behavior and try to make it right.

Determined in that even when things are difficult or challenging I do not give up.

Humble and that I am not one to boast or brag about successes.

A Mother -who wants her children to know she loves them deeply but also that she wants them to learn to love themselves and be independent.

A Wife- who is supportive, committed, loving and an equal partner.

A Daughter -who is loving, caring and appreciative. 

A sister -who is loving, protective and generous.

A friend-who is trustworthy and loyal.

A nurse- who is skilled, empathetic and kind.

A teacher who is constant, knowledgeable and encouraging.

An animal lover- who cares so deeply about those living beings that rely on us for survival.

I know there are some not so favorable characteristics I could potentially be remembered by as well. However, if any of the traits listed above describes me I will feel like I have done my job and fulfilled my purpose.  

Could that be it? I love the quote that says "The meaning of life is to find your gift, the purpose of life is to give it away."-Pablo Picasso