the importance of fierce female friendship.....

I have always felt as though a short list of deep intimate friendships is far better than a mile long list of acquaintances. It's interesting how over the course of your life the definition and expectation of a friend changes.  During middle school and high school my social circles frequently changed.  Those years I gravitated to people for various reasons, most likely the current interests, fashion and style, and hobbies.  The longstanding friendships during those years each gave me something that I needed at that time.  My middle school best friend had a very close family.  They went to church every Sunday, had movie night on Fridays and always went on family vacations that I was lucky enough to be a part of.  They also had traditions, one that I  adopted into my own family life now.  Every year the day after Thanksgiving my middle school best friends family would cut down their Christmas tree.  I now, with a family of my own make sure that every year, the day after Thanksgiving we cut down our Christmas tree.  I recently found her on social media and told her to thank her mother for me.


As I grew older and people went away to college and traveled, experienced different relationships, new independent living, new jobs, marriages, and babies, the interaction and needs changed.  I have met wonderful, amazing, supportive, strong and funny women at every stage in my life.  One area in particular is my career as a nurse.  Nursing was a difficult beginning, especially being surrounded by experienced nurses.  For many nurses there was the "I am older, more experienced" than you attitude.  When I landed in the recovery room on the night shift things changed.  Of course there were the nurses who challenged you, but that just reinforced how to advocate for yourself and know your worth.  But then there were my night girls.  It was an unbelievable crew.  We worked so closely together, like a team of moms just helping each other.  We shared patient care, we shared stories about marriage and children and motherhood and everything in between.  We had great nights and horrible ones, either way we were there to help each other though all of it.  Each one of us had a different strength, but that was what made us so cohesive.  I worked in that unit for 12 years.  The schedule worked perfectly while my children were young.  Even when the schedule was hard I still stayed, my night girls were what made it so hard to change shifts, they were too good to leave.  I can say with certainty their strength and friendships completely helped to shape my type of parenting, perspective on life and appreciation for all of it.


Motherhood created a new shared experience.  My mom friends are the ones who helped me through those long days of diaper changes and temper tantrums and gave you an adult to converse with while Caillou played in the background.  I am so thankful for those women who shared those times with me and laughed with me, cried with me while navigating one of the hardest jobs I have ever had.       

When I was done having babies I began to look inward for things to feed my soul, which led me back to natural bodybuilding.  It was a sport I participated in while in my early twenties.  The road back to that led me to the strong, empowered, confident world of women.  It reinforced my feelings of feminism and empowering women.  The friends in this arena were like no other.  We see each other infrequently but yet the bond is so strong because of the intensity of the sport.  It has taught me so much about life and perseverance.  The gym is my happy place, my church.  Exercise is what keeps me sane and yet there is an amazing group of women who love to cheer each other on, encourage one another and celebrate the victories as well as the losses.

                                                                 

                                                             

 
 Amazingly though now in my 40's there are friends who I have carried with me during all of those transitional times.  Even when we were at different stages and may not have been in constant contact they were there, still in my heart.  Life has a way of bringing the necessary items forward.  Those friends who you have known throughout your life know you like family, sometimes better.  There is truly nothing as beautiful as a friend who just knows, never needing explanation or justification for any feelings or emotions they just know.  Those long lasting friends knew you then and know you now.  They provide you with validation, support and encouragement.  They know when you are happy and want to celebrate, they know when you are sad and need a lift and they know when you just want to catch up over a cup of coffee or glass of wine.  Those lifetime friends know the real you. They know the person you were before you had any life experiences and they know the person you have become.  Deep friendship feeds my soul.  There is nothing as therapeutic as laughing or crying with a friend who is truly a part of you.  The best part is even when your crazy is showing they don't need you to tuck that shit back in, they love you because of it.