A Tap on the Shoulder.......

                                          

The older I get the more I realize how short life truly is.  We are here on earth as if we have infinite amount of time when the reality is, it is finite. There are certain times this reality taps me on the shoulder. One of the first taps I can remember was after my nana passed away. I was packing up all of her beautiful embroidered linens she had so carefully pressed and folded and kept stored in her hutch with all the special things. As I pulled them from drawers it made me sad to think she was "saving" these beautiful linens for a "special occasion". That special occasion is now daily on my kitchen table. There is something freeing about saying today is special enough to use the wine glasses you received as a gift for your wedding or the linens your grandmother gave you. When I was little I was famous for saving my special things. Those special pencils or special erasers that you just couldn't bring yourself to use for fear of using them up. I waited so long that you could no longer use the erasers because they were too hard or those stickers that now didn't stick anymore. What I have realized is, use it all, use it up. Be aware of the joy in the moment and don't try to save it for later.

                                          

When you are younger you feel invincible. I remember making terrible decisions without any realization of the consequences. You can run through walls, accomplish great things, you have the energy to keep on keepin' on. Now in my forties the reality of an injury, a misstep that could seriously impact my daily life is so clear. Not only the reality of an injury but my own mortality. I remember looking through my mom's high school yearbook with her. I was awestruck as she pointed out individuals who had passed away, been sent to prison, been divorced or had some life changing event. Another tap on the shoulder as I now am able to do the same with my children as we look through my high school yearbook.  I know they say the days are long but the years are short, but it often feels like the years are getting shorter as I get older. 

                                                                                                                                                       

There is nothing to prepare you for watching your parents grow old. It is one of the hardest realities to face. We are finite. I think often as I watch from my window as my mother walks to her car, you just do not know when your goodbye could be your last goodbye. That statement sounds morbid but honestly it is meant to be a reminder that if we want to tell someone how much we love and appreciate them, don't wait. Do the things, take the time, don't rush the conversations to get to the next event, be fully present. Help your elderly parents if you are lucky enough to still have them because you don't want to regret that you weren't there. Those little visits, that simple dinner will be the memories I will be able to reflect back on and appreciate I had them.

                                                                        

So rounding the corner to mid life.....use the fancy glasses, drink the good wine, use your favorite mug, wear that beautiful hat and jewelry because yesterday is the past, tomorrow has not arrived yet and today is the present, the gift. I want to appreciate these days and be present, not looking forward, not looking back but being in the here and now.