Living with intention
I think my 40's is truly my favorite age so far. There is a shift that happens. I am filtering out the noise and the nonsense. I have learned that stillness is where I am most peaceful. I have learned to separate myself from someone else's pain and that I do not have to own their issues. I have learned that listening is better than being right. I seek to understand peoples circumstances and often the empathy I feel for them overwhelms me. I am acutely aware of living in the ego versus living in my true consciousness. I am learning to live in the moment, a concept that up until now has been difficult for me to apply. I am realizing my own mortality, my parents mortality and how all aspects of life are temporary. I know that being spiritual does not have to happen in a church. Spirituality can happen on a hike, with your dogs, being present with your children, or having a soulful conversation with a loved one. Leading up to my 40's was a time of rapid movement and change. Graduating college, starting a career, getting married, having children, buying houses, and rediscovering who you are after so many life experiences that change you. I spent a large amount of my time exhausting myself trying to prove I was worthy. In some subconscious way I was working to establish myself, as a nurse, a woman, a mother, a wife a friend, someone who mattered and was worthy. I continuously was striving for some status that really does not exist except within yourself. Turning 40 though, and knowing your worth is a powerful place to be.
By the time you hit 40 you have now been in a career long enough to have experience. At this age you have had relationships that have stood the test of time or not, and you have weathered some storms and come out the other side. I can say with certainty any emotionally challenging experience has brought clarity. The clarity is not always obvious in the moment but in the aftermath, given the time to process you realize that there was a lesson to be learned. I always want to learn and grow. I feel confident that no interaction or situation is a coincidence. People and experiences come into our lives to teach us, the question is how did we receive the message. Learning how to set boundaries and limits for self preservation is key. Currently I am in a place where I know what I am able to give and if that is not enough, well then, what can I say.
My desire for deep connection is always in the forefront of my mind. I am no longer interested in superficial interactions and conversations. I no longer want to check boxes socially on "what I am obligated to do". I want interactions with soulful alignment. I want to learn from experiences and connections. I want to do the things that make my soul happy. I remain committed to my spouse, children, family and friends. I will always be a helper and the nurse in me will always be drawn to care for others. I am learning to care for myself. I want to listen to music that makes me happy, I want to exercise for my mental wellness, I want to embrace all the things that my soul desires. Intuition is a powerful emotion and when you listen, it is guiding you, quietly, calmly to your true being. My forties feels like a coming home, to me, but a me with more knowledge and experience. I knew what made me happy when I was younger. Somehow, somewhere along the way I lost sight of what truly made me happy and got caught up in what I was told mattered by culture and society. Turns out culture and society are not one with my soul. I am getting reacquainted with the real me. I am re-learning what makes me happy, sad, connected, loved, appreciated, and truly content. The people I love, dogs, physical activity in the outdoors and the ocean bring me so much contentment.
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